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killer shrike
Mon Dec 20, 2004 at 02:21:00 pm EST
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Hatman/Alcheman Team Up #6
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Hatman/Alcheman Team Up #6


“Anything You Can Do….”



“Oh, thank you for saving us!”

“You’re welcome,” Hatman told the agent of Lactose Intolerance before using his Steeler-given strength to bend a parking meter around his arms, “Now stay put.”

Carl had little choice, since the weight of the makeshift restraint bore him to the ground with an embarrassing thud.

As Jay turned to go he nearly collided with the taller of the two women he had pulled from the melee. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him full on the lips.

“Yes, well,” he said when she came up for air, “I need to get going. Ah, excuse me.”

The Capped Crusader extricated himself from the girl’s embrace and leapt back towards the auditorium.

“Slattern,” Trudi called her sister once the hero was out of earshot.

Jenni Wooster got out her compact and reapplied her lipstick, “I hope that word means ‘winner.’”

“Hardly,” the apple-cheeked blonde was silent for several moments, and then, “Was it good?”

“He tasted like Montgomery Putnam.”

“You actually kissed Metal Mouth Monty? High School truly were lean times for you, dear.”

“Hey!” Carl shouted from his position on the pavement, “A little help, here.”

Trudi growled and reached for her pepper spray.


*****


Imperator P’Rawn found himself in a bit of a stand-off.

The naked-pated pink skin was proving to be a skillful shape shifter, countering every one of his transformations with one of his own. If the Skunk assumed the form of a Ghandian Scrabblenok the human took the form of high density steel to resist the predator’s claws. When he tried to corrode the metal with the acid blasts of a Haumananan, he took the chemical composition of a grainy white base. Trying to discorporate that form by becoming a Fan-scaled Dragonis lead to a punch in the snout by an anthracite fist.

The Imperator was frustrated, and when he was frustrated he was verbose.

“Vermin! Who are you to challenge me! I am P’Rawn, Scion of the House of Hak’Sool, Lord of the Skunk Nebula! I have laid continents to waste, pillaged solar systems, and strangled my heirs while they still slept in their crèche!”

“Those are the types of details one should keep to oneself, I believe,” Alcheman replied while ducking away from the Imperator’s now boulder-sized fist.

The hero would be disappointed; now that P’Rawn had taken the shape of a Largoigyle, the despot had several times the lung power, “Do not mock me, Earthling!! I will not be mocked!!!”

Michael was ready to graciously note that demanding not to be ridiculed was a pointless exercise, in that it all but guaranteed the person would be derided, when the means to silence P’Rawn and came to him. With expert precision his fingers touched a symbol on his bicep.

And then things got very quiet in the auditorium.

*****


Hatman donned his Blue Jays cap and flew back to the battle. He had hoped to use his small stature to use the element of surprise to take down P’Rawn. What he saw inside surprised him: Alcheman had taken on a gleaming, metallic form and used it to grapple with the Skunk Imperator, who struggled in the hero’s grasp, for some reason in his natural state. The entire hall was quiet as a tomb, though it was clear the alien was trying to have his disquietude heard.

The Legionnaire smiled and assumed his normal height. After walking up to the combatants he mouthed a request to Alcheman.

“May I?” he mimed. The fellow hero nodded.

Hatman knocked out the Skunk warlord with a textbook right cross.

*****


“I had read an essay by Al B. Harper on molecular transformation,” Alcheman explained moments later when he had cut off his powers, “I’m afraid most of it was beyond my experience, but what I did understand was that significant alteration of a structure’s molecular state requires a great deal of vibrational energy.”

“So you assumed the properties of vibratum, which absorbs that kind of energy, rendering P’Rawn powerless,” Hatman surmised, “Smart thinking.”

“The fact that my transformation curtailed his diatribe was an additional benefit,” Michael said in addendum, “What happens to them now?”

“Well, once we are able which ones are human/alien hybrids and which ones are Skunks, we can set about figuring whose jurisdiction they’re in. Then we can charge them.”

“Splendid. P’Rawn was quite keen on confessing his numerous transgressions, earlier.”

“Heh. He looked like a talker, even when-oh, no,” Hatman saw the two civilians he had rescued making their way towards them, “Keep an eye on the tall one. She’s grabby.”

Alcheman nodded, though he intended to keep both eyes on both of his sisters.

“That was amazing!” Trudi enthused as she casually kicked out her sister’s stiletto heel, making certain she got to Hatman first, “You’re very brave.”

“Well, thank you, Miss Wooster.”

“You remembered,” the young heiress took a flattered tone, “Now, if you have a moment, I’d like to run a proposition by you…”

While one of his sisters schemed Michael went to help set the other aright.

“These are $500. Jimmy Choos,” Jenni fretted as she inspected the cracked pump, “Oh, wait, they’re Trudi’s. No big loss, then.”

Alcheman gave his sister a comforting nod and then whispered, “I saw how you shot up the fuse box as a diversion. That was very clever of you.”

Jenni blushed and squeezed her brother’s hand in gratitude, “Did Hatman see?”

“….. so the Wooster Foundation has set up this program, erm, Project: Hats for Tots, to make sure no child in Paradopolis goes hatless during these cold winter months. But we’re still looking for a spokesperson,” Trudi batted her lashes, “You’d be perfect.”

“That sounds like an excellent program,” Jay conceded, though he was a bit doubtful the young woman had any connection to the global department store chain and its altruistic subsidiary, “I’ll put you in touch with the person who coordinates the Legion’s involvement with charitable causes.”

“What’s his name?”

“Dancer.”

“Oh,” Trudi seemed a bit disappointed.

“Sister, we need to go,” Jenni stumbled over and announced, “Remember, our brother is coming over for dinner, and he wishes to speak to us about- ah, current events.”

“Oh, really?” Trudi gave Alcheman a sidelong smirk.

“He also mentioned speaking to mother as well.”

“Uhp. We’d best take our leave then,” Trudi offered her hand to both gentlemen, “Well done, heroes. Until we meet again.”

“Well, that was different,” Hatman proclaimed as the ladies departed. He glanced over at the SPUD agents who were busily corralling the captured aliens, alien/human hybrids, and Carl, “A bit of a distraction before the paperwork.”

“Is there a lot of paperwork in superheroing? I ask, because it’s the least favorite part of my regular occupation.”

Jay smiled, “Not if you make sure to take off once the day is saved. You know, like the Lone Ranger.”

“Good advice. I believe I’ll be off then. Perhaps as a cloud of dust.”

The two engaged in a Hearty, Heroic Handshake ™, and went their separate ways.

Footnotes

Vibratum: An exotic metal found only in the African nation of Wakandybar, this element has the ability to absorb sound and sonic vibrations. Originally I was only going to have Alcheman be able to duplicate real world elements and compounds, but this seemed to be a clever way to end the fight, much better than my second choice, which was ‘Michael beats the alien senseless.’












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